Dating, engagement, marriage, and then kids. It all seems so perfect – the dream to live happily ever after. But sadly, not all marriages are meant to last that long, so they end up in a divorce.
Divorces are never easy, but they can be especially tough when kids are involved. According to a Mankato family lawyer, divorce can propel one or both spouses into depression, destitution and sometimes, even physical jeopardy. Often, the left spouse feels betrayed, screwed over, abandoned, desperate, terrified or a mixture of negative emotions, while the other may have an equally potent combination of raging emotions (maybe happiness and relief). So, a circle of defensiveness and misunderstanding may ensue. Unfortunately, amidst all these upheavals are kids who want stable parents who are present.
The biggest problem about divorcing a person with whom you have had kids with is that you will have to deal with them at some point or the other. As it stands, it is always for the best interest of the children. So, you might as well learn how to better co-parent with your ex than to put up a fight. To help point you in the right direction, here are some top tips for better co-parenting after a divorce.
Be there for your kids
You have control over the kind of relationship you have with your kids. Quantity of time matters. It is challenging to build and sustain a quality relationship if you don’t purpose to allocate sufficient routine time. While at this, remember that intimacy doesn’t depend on the number of hours you spend with the kids. So as parents, you want to come up with a schedule that works for both of you, and purpose to keep a close bond with the children.
Inform the children of the divorce
Your children deserve to know the truth. At the same time, they need reassurance that they won’t be abandoned whether emotionally or physically by both parents. So, you want to create a safe space for the discussion and a safe way for the kids to air their feelings of confusion and shock, grief, self-blame, fear, anger, sadness, or guilt.
Keep the children out of your problems
It is not uncommon for divorcing parents to want to turn their children against their spouses. However, doing this confuses the child and makes the whole situation messy. So, don’t involve kids in your problems. Instead, maintain their existing relationships and routines and protect them from the struggles that are clearly your responsibility.
Support your ex’s role and relationship with the kids
The goal should be to maximize and enhance the time that both you and your ex spend with the children. It is hard for one parent to offer his or her best when they feel coerced to do so, or when they are dealing with a co-parent who isn’t supportive of their role and relationship with the kids. So, try supporting each other by holding your end of the bargain in terms of flexibility, co-parenting schedule, and conflict resolution.