Working all day to give your family the best, taking pressure from the CEO and facing conflict with co-workers? Arriving home to find that your teenagers are disrespectful can take a heavy toll on both you and your child. He mutters under his breath when you ask him to do some chores, she slams her bedroom door when you tell her she can’t go to the club with her friends, does this sound familiar? There have been some changes in your life and in theirs which are difficult for both to comprehend and overcome.
You love your teenagers and you want the best for them, but the situation at home is tiring, frustrating and hurtful – you are at your wits’ end. This situation will not be resolved by ignoring it. There are situations you need to face, and situations you need to avoid to be able to establish respect in the family again – resulting in a peaceful, loving, family environment.
There are many resources online to help any parent with these situations. Get the information you need from Authority Health – one of the more outstanding sources of information when it comes to the mental health and well being of your family.
It Is Important To Understand The Teenage Brain
From birth to childhood, there has been tremendous brain development. Studies have shown that by the age of six, 95% of the brain’s structure has already been formed. Now at the teenage stage, there is a sudden development of the wiring of the brain. And the problem is that the ‘new’ wiring hasn’t yet been connected to the key parts of the brain, which forms judgments, weighs outcomes, and controls impulses and emotions. This is the reason why a teenager gets frustrated easily, with themselves and with almost any situation. It causes them to be impulsive and subject to mood swings that you and I don’t experience – this can turn a teenager into an emotional wreck. Knowing the biological basis for your teenager’s difficult behavior makes it much easier to deal with, and helps you to focus on the behavior rather than the person.
Be Their Role Model
Model the kind of behavior you want to see in your teenager. Adopt a respectful attitude to people in general, it is best to remain calm, consistent and loving in the situation. It will be good for your health and give you the ability to deal with the situation wisely. Especially if your teenager is testing boundaries. Acting in anger might worsen the situation.
Try To Avoid Unnecessary Arguments
Engaging in an argument with a disrespectful teenager is seldom going to have a positive outcome, it has the tendency to escalate and get out of control. We get angry and say things we later regret. As a parent, you are in better control of your emotions, put this advantage to good use. Be firm and be in control.
It Is Not Personal
Focus on the behavior of the teenager, not the teenager as such, don’t get caught up in your own emotions. It will help the situation to remain calm and avoid unnecessary confrontation between you and your teenager. Don’t make it about yourself.
Tell Them How You Feel
Tell your teenager how you feel when they are disrespectful, focus specifically on the behavior, and not on the teenager. It is important to focus on the behavior factor instead of passing judgment on your teenager. Avoid making statements such as: “You are such an uncooperative (rude, selfish, lazy) child.” It will just worsen the situation and have a negative impact on the child – do not make them feel worthless.
Your Teenager Is Developing Independence
Developing independence is a vital aspect of growing up, it is a natural process for your teenager to express themselves and to have their own ideas.
Boundaries Should Be Clear and Consistent
Children which have been allowed to have their own way or who have been spoilt often become disrespectful teenagers. In families where there are very few rules, disrespect amongst teenagers is almost inevitable. It is important to set boundaries and rules and to keep them consistent, discuss these boundaries with your teenager before they are set.
Set consequences, and follow through on them.
Tips On Setting Consequences For Bad Behaviour
Consequences should be short term, not long term. The teenager will then have a chance to learn the lesson quickly and move on. The consequences should not be too harsh. Do not add disciplinary statements (such as “It is because you won’t listen”) to the consequence. Let the consequence speak for itself. Disciplinary statements will arouse feelings of anger and resentment in the teenager instead of allowing them to focus on their bad behavior and its consequences.